Is the hardest thing in america.
My favorite thing in the world is to write my feelings.
I was never taught how to express how I felt, nor did I ever have anyone to express them to.
Have you ever been in love before? Have you ever loved so hard that it was painful?
Have you ever met someone new & felt this spark in your heart you've never felt before?
I've experienced all t h r e e all you would never expect.
Everyone has a story, and mine is soon to be shared with the world.
The reason why I write is to inspire. To have people read my feelings and emotions so I can inspire them. I find topics that I know people can relate to, without having to speak and just read about them.
Just like a filter on a picture, where you blur out skin make everything look so perfect.
I filter my emotions. No one would ever know my worst days or worst years.
I've been in my darkest moments in life. Never would I have thought i'd be where I am today.
Someone can be so crushed, feel so worthless, so helpless, and be the strongest.
Don't get me wrong, I break down all the time... it's okay to cry.
Some people think i'm young, have so much going for myself,and have a lot of time.
you're right, but not really...
I grew up not knowing what love really was, or felt like.
Having to become an adult at a young age-
My mind set at a young age was trying to figure out what affection was.
So fast forwarding to now, I know the exact feeling of someone different.
You meet someone trying to explain all your battles and wounds.
Trying to work through your inner self, the damage that has been done, and bring out the best of you because no one really knows that person any more.
Break ups are apart of life. You spend your life with an individual for so many years.
To realize that there is someone else out there waiting for you. You don't know this...
You are blinded by it. & it's okay...you'll never know this.... until it happens.
Many people are wounded by so many rough times in their life, and the next person has to
suffer from it... it's not their fault. Not everyone is the same. I came to realize that.
There will be people out there that think exactly the same as you. They might be the soulmate you never knew of.
This past year I been single, and the last 10 years i've either been cheated on, verbally abused, physically abused, threatened, stalked, disrespected, loved, all of the above.
I had to accept everything. Not that it was okay, because negative energy isn't okay.
I'll never know why. I struggled so much with my self esteem and worth. I hear it all the time I'm beautiful, I'm hot, I'm pretty. It got to the point where every compliment was a turn off. I hated any compliment that came out of anyones mouth because I started to believe I wasn't and never good enough. But then things changed... I've went through different therapists, counseling, all that you can think of. No one knew. I never told anyone. I just needed to figure out what to do to bring my old loving happy self back. I went to sound baths regularly, studies crystals and energy balancing, and getting back into the gym. Anything to keep my mind positive, I never thought I would be happy again, nor love someone the same. I stopped drinking on New years for multiple reasons. One being to stop numbing my pain and live through it. Accept everything I was angry about, think through the process clearly. This is something that has been challenging but I know my inner strength. I was no where near as strong this time last year.
With that being said, meeting someone new it can be so hard yet- life changing.
You think of your past, want to have a giant wall up, Never give in.
Find every Red flag, and push them alll away. t r u s t m e, I did it.
I just wasn't ready.... nor did I feel any of the girls that "tried" were worth it.
Not that there was many, but I left a lot on read, ghosted them, or never went on dates.
I honestly am a relationship type of girl, and don't have time for anyones games.
My heart has definitely been in many surgeries. I recently felt like everything that happened to me was to be able to speak to people going through the same pain I once went through. To show you that you will get through the pain, there won't be answers of why it happened, and that all you can do is accept things and move forward.
If you asked me last year fast forward to today would I be happy and meet the girl that makes my heart skip a beat. haha, I'd say you were crazy and impossible.
A year can change your life, things happen for a reason, and things happen so unexpectedly.
I've never felt so happy, I've never connected with someone so strong, and never felt so much love through energy. Time is everything, that's a fact. But time doesn't determine everything. You can meet someone and instantly feel the connection you've never felt before. When two people relate to similar things, it is that much stronger.
I can say everything is easy... because it is. Almost like too good to be true type of shit.
Almost like... just show me the side I have not seen because it can't be this perfect type of shit. That's how different my life changed in a year, but it's not easy. Emotions are there, and studying a human is the hardest thing ever. Understanding one, and hoping you don't push them away ever. They have a past too, not just you.
If you take anything from this... Take this.
Your person is out there, even if you think it will never come.
You won't be ready... but take the risk, if you feel it.
Ride the w a v e, be patient.
accept the past, for a beautiful future.
xo. t i f f a n y.