Alcohol Sobriety & Drugs.
Lez keep it real. 99% of this world has tried or is doing one of the three.
I want to get personal with ya'll, some of you are new to my life, and some of you have experienced a huge part of my life. No judgement right? but, I can say I've came along ass way within growing up as an individual.
I've been technically "partying" since I was 13 that's what like 7th grade? I grew up in what could be considered the hood to some, El Monte. Surrounded by one of the biggest gang in the san gabriel valley, and back then it was very known and visible. At a young age you are curious, you want to get into things not because you are bad... but because you are curious.
I'm going to share with you the first time I had ever been exposed to any type of substance. Take yourself back to 2003, how old were you? What were you into or doing? Yo, I was 13 prob like 4'6 and like 85 pounds... lol I was tiny, I mean I still am. I had like maybe 4 really close girlfriends... we would hang out after school roaming the streets until it was before 6pm. That's when I knew I forsure had to be home. One day I went over my friend at the time house and we always hung out with her older uncle, mind you I never knew her family was from a gang, and a lot of drug dealing was involved in that home.
You are super naive and just don't really know what is going on youre just there for the ride right? You all know im very creative, there was a room that had nothing but torn art pieces on the wall and red lights... It was a total vibe. I started smoking weed at this age and thought cool we are going to smoke some weed and vibe out to music. Up until I seen her uncle walk in cleaning this pipe that I've never seen before. It was clear looked like a light bulb and had a tiny stick that would come out and get foggy. This time I said no I wasn't going to try anything new because I really didn't know these people nor did I know what was going on. Little that I knew it was and is the most addictive drug ever; Crystal Meth. I went home and googled what It was and seen pictures and was terrified. I never have nor every will try the drug but just knowing that if I would of stood in that situation, if I would of done it that one time who knows if I would be where I am today writing this blog to you inspiring people.
Fast forward to 14 years old going on 15... that's when the real "partying" began.
who remembers flyer parties? Like how did we think this was the coolest thing ever.
Like legit there was Party Crews. What was your party crew?! haha, Im guilty of being in one. I was dragged in by one of my closest friends to this day. We were called The Klover Ladies, Hard to Find, Lucky to Have. HAHA, so funny to think of this but this was the 2004/2005 Era, Where you had to dial in to get directions to attend a party and flyers were reposted all over everyones Myspace. During this timeframe, I was mainly smoking weed, taking weed edibles, and drinking. When it came to drinking I was obviously underage, but I would get a hold of alcohol because all my friends I hung out with were older. When you think back it's actually really funny to think, omg I drank that? GROSS.
Who remembers these? Sparks, Four LOKO, MD/2020, Smirnoff ICE, Mike's Hard Lemonade
Half of the time my tongue was stained with one of these crazy drinks... who was I?! I would obviously pre game with one of these but when It came to house parties It was always jungle juice. I didn't know what was put into it so I didn't drink it, I was still self aware of things.
With these house flyer parties it also went into like warehouse parties... Where everyone was into inhaling balloons with noz tanks and sipping lean. Lean is promethazine + codeine (mixed with sprite). For those who are not familiar with this it is, Nitrous Oxide a colourless gas that people inhale to feel a type of sensation of being high.
Back then, I would think it was cool, now I'm like what the hell were people thinking?!
This is also super addicting, not only does it cut circulation to the brain, it also kills brain cells & causes you to be slow create numbness, and can cause death.
Through out high school there was times where I would ditch school and go to houses and either just smoke weed or drink like it was the thing to do. I never really stopped drinking... Once I turned 18 I would always go to 18+ over clubs but of course had older friends and they would either get us wrist bands or buy us drinks. Drinking continue till this day in my early 20's I partied all through each bar and club in WEHO (West HollyWood) to the point my mom had to take me back to find my car...
When I started doing hair, I was an assistant in 2013, 23 years old there was a bar across the street from the salon where we would go everyday after work to eat hot wings and drink.
It got to the point where the bartenders knew us, became our friends and would never charge us. There was times where I don't remember driving home, and times where I fell asleep in my car because I was too drunk to drive home...
At 26 in 2017 I met this hairstylist Graham at the airport, we were on the same flight going to NY. I was going to work New York Fashion Week, and he was going out there to take clients for the first time. We got stuck in a storm & our connecting flight got cancelled.
My boss luckily rented 2 big vans for the 12 of us, and I felt bad and couldn't leave Graham behind... We shoved ourselves into the vans like sardines & suitcases on top of us...
When you think of anyone in the industry whether its entertainment, film, or a hair... believe it or not there is always that stereotype that we are surrounded by alcohol and drugs. Some cases it is true. We were in a van for hours, while everyone was passing around their weed and vape pens. I just remember Graham always denying the offer. We got to our Air B n B around 3 or 4 am, Graham stayed with us... again everyone is ready to drink and party... I finally asked Graham if he was sober, he told me his story and it inspired me.
Not only did it inspire me, it helped me gain my will power as an individual. I went Sober for 8 Months after that. At first it was challenging, and my friends couldn't understand it. But for me it was the act of being in his position. He changed his life for the better and had the strength to be around it and still stick to his word of saying no.
This was one of the most healthiest// fit times of my life.
My 27th Birthday in Palm Springs is when I broke the seal. Celebrated another year went the whole weekend not drinking until the very last day... it was then that I realized I didn't miss being hung over. I still drank occasionally but not as much as before because I was so used to not drinking at all...
Summer 2018 is when drinking was a necessity. Yes, It was also my first time ever being single in the past 10 years... & Yes I am currently still single. I used alcohol to mask all my pain. No one ever knew I was battling the most depression ever. It was something I've always hid from the world. I've always had anxiety depression suicidal moments... & around this time it was my darkest days... when I was alone. It was the brightest when I was partying with my friends. I literally drank every single weekend.. We had bottles & tables every weekend like It was a ritual. I don't know how it became to that but it did. In July, one of my closest friends got married + that week in Hawaii i learned how to drink Tequila with the best Don Julio 1942. Ever since then, I've been able to take shots of tequila without throwing up. My bestfriend Jamie, is the queen of tequila shots, & of course for our instagram videos, I would take shots with no chaser. It almost became practice where I eventually didn't need a chaser.
I then swore I got roofied at club threw up for hours and thats when I'm like okayyy, I need to slow my roll. It was rough, I didn't know how to stop. I just wanted to be happy and not feel pain anymore... Don't we all?
My friends & I lived for charcoal pills + Emetrol. The Charcoal absorbs toxins while you are sleep to prevent a hang over, and the Emetrol is a nausea medicine that you take so you wont throw up. Like we had it all planned out for our drunken nights. I kept telling myself I was going to stop drinking next month, and next month turned into the following month. It was either someone's birthday I was celebrating or an excuse to keep drinking. Until I finally decided, for real for real tiffany you're going back to being sober from alcohol starting January 1st 2019. My last excessive drinks of tequila was on New Year's eve. I got to celebrate the ending of one tough year, going into a brand new year.
I'm not about the whole new year new me type stuff. I am the same person, just changing things about me for the better. Life brings you to certain terms in life and makes you realize so many things in life. To think back how much money I spent in 6 months just to pee it right out. Yes the memories are what matter, I don't regret the moments. What I do regret is not doing it sooner, could of had some damn ABS by now! It's all good though. Life is all about lessons and I wouldn't be able to write this for you if I didn't live through the lessons.
My main focus of being sober is to bring the positive out of me, bring clarity to this earth because I was caught up in a fog for so long. Second its for my fitness goals, one day ill have abs.
honestly... this current moment, I feel a type of way about them. Only because I've seen some of my closest friends battle the addiction. I'm grateful that I never let this effect my life nor my career, but I think the moments and party scene people don't realize how addicting and destructive it is to one's life. You only think about the sensation, the experience, the best feeling ever because of the effect it gives on someone. I recently started researching about Drugs. Specific ones like cocaine, shrooms, ketamine. Yo, young ass people are instantly killing themselves without even realizing it.
Cocaine, being the biggest drug right now in the party scene. It's like every turn you take someone is sniffing a line just to be up and keep going, or to become sober. The drug sends high levels of dopamine, a natural chemical messenger in your body, into the parts of your brain that control pleasure. This buildup causes intense feelings of energy and alertness which is the feeling they get being "high". Many people addicted can't stop because the brain is adapted to it. You need a stronger dosage to feel the same high, it changes the long term chemistry in the brain. Your mind & body now reply on the drug making it hard to concentrate, remember things, and sleep.
I get it, it feels good. But like, do we think of our future? I feel that the younger the generations the worst the drug intake is. My sisters are 19 & 20, and their generation in high school is doing Coke, it's mad crazy. I'm not saying oh i'm totally sober I'm against everything on earth. People do their thang, learn on their own, & shit happens. Everyone has a story and their reasoning, and sometimes it's not even them making the decisions, it's the chemical imbalance that your body has already took over. Watching people you are deeply close to battle this is why I am here writing this today. To have the feeling that you'll never get to speak or see them tomorrow because they might over dose is the scariest feeling ever. What is every scarier and crushing is accepting the fact that there is nothing you can do to help someone in an addictive situation. They, themselves have to want to stop, want to create a better life and get the help. You will never win over a drug, and you have to come to that acceptance and realization.
I'm here to inspire people, thats my ultimate goal in life.
If staying up for 3 days gathering my thoughts, emotions, and strength to write this blog inspires and impacts someones life out of my words and experience. That is all that matters to me. I need you to know if you are that person struggling from any type of addiction, I know it's hard. You will constantly give yourself the excuse that you are going to stop, I've been there. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel, and not all your dark days will stay dark. You have to be ready, & that day will come. Just know it will be worth it.
to my friends i love the most--- ill forever be here for you; i love you!